The Thing About Job Hunting

Monday, August 31, 2020

The last thing I expected to do in 2020 was going on the job hunt again. Even when I got the inkling that I would need to start looking for a job I wasn’t sure where to start. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been feeling very lost lately. I wasn’t sure if I wanted a 9 to 5 desk job to help me move up in a certain career or if I just wanted an hourly job to earn money before I went back to school. There’s always so much to consider when job hunting but it felt even more difficult this time around. Obviously, a big part of that is the global pandemic that’s been going on.

What kind of job did I want?
This is obviously the first question that I think any person needs to answer. There’s so many options for even one singular type of job that it can seem daunting just start. If I’m being very honest, I didn’t actually know what kind of a job I wanted when I begin my heart. At the time I knew that I was going to be studying for the LSAT again so I needed something part time and hopefully one that gave me some money. I was hoping to make at least $10 or more an hour but I wouldn’t have said no to a salary job. But that brought me to my conundrum:

What qualifies you for a job?
I really didn’t know how to handle the situation. While I’ve had varying types of jobs after I graduated college, a lot of them were not in an office setting or a 9 to 5. The most “professional” job that I had was being an English teacher in China. But that's a very specific skill set and to be a teacher in the United States, for the most part, you need a teaching certificate which I did not have. But I also applied to a lot of retail jobs that never got back to me. What exactly is an entry level job?

Why is this so hard?
Aside from the hell that 2020 has been, job hunting has always been hard. I don't understand why it has to be this way. We know that it's never been an easy process by any means, but since I graduated in 2017, it has been an uphill battle. 

We’re really not getting paid anything.
This is the biggest truth of this entire process. This is also something we all know too. We've seen the absurd job requirements and the pay that comes with them. The audacity of some jobs paying $11-$15 per hour with a master's degree. It's so incredibly disheartening. 

Where do I go from here?
As I said in my manifesting post, I'm planning on moving to Scotland in the next 3-5 years. In the mean time I'm studying for the LSAT with the possibility of attending law school (this is why the 5 years is in place). I'm hoping that I can make all of this work. While I was able to get a part time job, I know that it's not where I want to be in the long term. 

I'm the kind of person that wants to have a rough plan on how I want my future to look. This plan is loose enough that change won't impact it all that much. It's frustrating that this is the structure of the job hunt right now.  
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Manifesting Goals into the Universe

Saturday, August 29, 2020

If there’s one thing I have learned about my time living in Shanghai is that I really love living abroad. I should’ve known this when I studied abroad in 2016 but it wasn’t until I was actually meant to spend at least a year and a new place that I came to understand this. Now, with everything going on in 2020, I really want to make this a permanent change for me. So this is me manifesting my future. In the next 3 to 5 years, I hope to be living in Scotland. (To make sure that this is numerically accurate, three years from now will be 2023 and five years from now will be 2025.)

It might sound ridiculous for me to choose Scotland as a country out of every other one there could be. But when I visited Glasgow and Edinburgh 2016, both for only about a day each, I found that I loved the country. While I never got to go to the Highlands, I watch more than enough movies and Youtubers videos about the Scottish highlands to know that I want to explore that part of the world so badly. But I know people who live in Scotland and love living there. I have been able to get a good understanding of the lifestyle and what it means to live in Scotland and I think that it would fit me very well.

I also obviously know that moving into the United Kingdom is incredibly hard and they’ve made it even harder in the couple of years since I was there in 2016. But I don’t really want that to deter me. I know that if there is something that I truly want in this world I can get it. That isn’t me manifesting anything that is just me being who I am.

Maybe in the next 3 to 5 years my life will be completely different from where I am now. Maybe in the next 3 to 5 years I won’t want to go to Scotland. Or maybe I will have already moved to Scotland by the time this comes around. I don’t know my future obviously but what I do know is that I want to live outside of the United States long-term. There’s so much about this country that makes it incredibly hard for me to exist here but I also know the joys of living in another country.

I do have the option of living in India. I have an overseas citizen of India card that allows me to live and work in India and definitely. How ever, living in India has its many many challenges that I am not ready to face. It is a culture that is my own and one that I am very familiar with. Because I’m so familiar with it I know that it is not a place that I would want to live long-term. It’s incredibly hard because my family is in India but I also have to take care of myself in terms of my mental health.

All that said, I’m going to go ahead and in this post. I hope that I still have this blog in the next 3 to 5 years so that I can come back and see if I did and I’m moving to Scotland. Or maybe I move to a completely different country that I haven’t even considered right now. Future Akchita, where are you living right now? Are you happy right now? Why did you move where you moved?
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I Feel Lost But That’s Okay

Thursday, August 27, 2020

It’s 3:30 in the morning and I cannot sleep. For whatever reason I have this incessant need to write this blog post. So, I’m going to do just that. I don’t really know where it’s going to go or what exactly I’m going to say in the end, but here’s hoping it’s readable.

There’s no denying that 2020 has been one hell of a year. Or more accurately it’s just been a year of hell. At the beginning of the year, I was more sure and confident in my future than I had been a very long time. I had a very good understanding of where I wanted to be in the next couple of years and how I wanted to get there. I was going to make 2020 one of the best years of my life. At the time of New Year’s, I was living in Shanghai, China and I was going to have as many experiences there as possible. I wanted more than anything for my time in Shanghai to mean something. I wanted to give myself the time and space to figure out what exactly that was going to be. But everything has since been changed.

While I struggled in the first couple of months of the year to understand how lost I was feeling, I found that I was unable to do so. I was unable to fully understand the feeling of loss that I had surrounded myself in, even if it wasn’t on purpose. I haven’t allowed myself to truly be upset about the fact that so much of my life I have now changed even when I did not want it to. Lately, however, I have been taking the time to really understand how lost I have been feeling. Even more so, I have been allowing myself to feel okay with feeling lost.

I have allowed myself to feel lost in everyday moments. I have allowed myself to feel lost in what is to become of my future. I have allowed myself to feel lost in how I go about forming and nurturing my relationships. And more than anything, I have allowed myself to understand that feeling lost is not a character flaw for me. Instead of it being what brings me down, I have worked to allow it to become what brings me joy and contentment and happiness.

Mind you,I am not someone who likes to be lost. I like to have a certain amount of planning done for my future. As much as I like to be spontaneous, I also like to understand what my next steps are going to be. I am an extremely ambitious person and that could be the Aries in me. I am not someone to sit still. I am the kind of person that always wants to work my way up. But 2020 has really forced me to see that I could be all of these things and more but also be completely lost.

I remember how much stress I used to put on myself because I didn’t get the LSAT score or I didn’t get that job or I didn’t get to move to the country. I used to become incredibly stressed because I didn’t have a career by the time I was 25. I would stress myself out because I wasn’t living in New York City like I had always planned by the time I would be 30. There were so many things that I wanted in my life and I only gave myself a certain amount of time to get there. 2020 has made me realize that that is not always the best thing for me.

That’s something that I want to make very clear: this isn’t a post about anyone else but me. These are all of the things that I have had to work out for myself and no one else. Again, I am very much an Aries in the sense that I can be selfish and look out for myself when I need to. Obviously, I don’t believe that that is a bad thing because it’s allowed me to get where I am but I digress.

And I think for now on and the post on that note. Not really sure if any of this made sense or if any of this resonates with people. At the end of the day, this blog is for me. I love seeing how I grow as a person and I find this to be a really big part of my self growth.
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Onwards and Upwards

Monday, August 24, 2020

If I’m being very honest I have no idea how to start this post. I don’t really know if I have any words, let alone the right words to describe how I’m feeling right now. 2020 has been a whirlwind of a year and I’m still processing from a lot of events.

I have been in the US since mid January. I came for two weeks to visit my family for Chinese New Year break but then the pandemic hit. I stayed back for as long as possible to spend as much time with my family as possible before I begin my trip back to China. But this trip didn’t go farther than my living room because China closed its borders to foreigners.

Even though I was angry and frustrated that I could no longer go back to China, I was extremely hopeful that the borders will open up again and I could go back. I haven’t talked about this yet but I have been struggling a lot in the 4 1/2 months that I had been in China. I wanted my return in late March to Mark the beginning of a new experience for me in Shanghai. I felt like I knew myself better than I had before and I knew what I had to do to make my experience in Shanghai even better.

March passed quickly and so did April and I was still hopeful. As May comes around I begin a countdown to see when the borders are open. But May came and went and there was no change. This is when an unsettling feeling began to set in. June however, proved to be the worst month so far this year.

As I mentioned in my previous post, after about a month and a half of my grandfather being sick, he passed away. I hadn’t even gotten the chance to even remotely process what that meant before I found out that I lost my job. In a span of four days so much of what I had always known how drastically changed.

And now an even bigger part of my life is going to change. After a lot of reflection and thought and research, going back to China does not seem to be an option for me for the foreseeable future. It’s been so hard to find another job while in the US as borders are still closed. I can’t afford to keep my apartment in Shanghai and getting my things across the world is proving to be incredibly difficult.

I don’t really know if any of what I have written the spar makes sense, but I feel like I needed to announce it publicly. There was a part of me that felt like if I didn’t announce it for the whole world to read, it wasn’t real. There’s just so much uncertainty going on that I needed something to be close to concrete as possible.

There are some things that I now know for sure and I credit my time in Shanghai for showing me these to me.

  1. I love the expat life: In all honesty they shouldn’t come as a surprise at all. I have always loved to travel and since I was a child I have lived in so many different places. But moving to Shanghai and really beginning my life there showed me that this was something I really wanted to do. At this moment in time I am not ready to settle down And part of that is because I haven’t found where I really want to spend the rest of my life
  2. I really want to go back to school: I have not felt this invigorated about something in my life in a very long time. I have begun researching schools in other parts of the world for a masters degree. I’ve always known that I would go back to school and now I feel like it is time to make it happen.
  3. I need to trust my instincts: i’m gonna be talking about this a little bit later but I have come to realize that I suffer severely from the concept of fear of missing out. I have been so unhappy where I currently live that any place just seems better. And even though Shanghai was a wonderful time and I love the people I worked with, I wasn’t truly happy. I don’t know how I became this person but I convinced myself that I was a failure if I decided to leave Shanghai before my contract was up. If I didn’t keep giving Shanghai another chance and another chance and another chance then I was doing something wrong. At the end of the day, I should have realized that I was not as happy and Shanghai as I deserve to be. And I gave Shanghai a chance which should have been enough. In the future I hope to work on myself and become better at once again listening to myself.
  4. I love living in a city: I’ve always known that I love living in the city. The few times that I’ve gone to New York city have been some of the best in my entire life.
So, that's my list. I'm sure I'll come up with a lot more reasons as time goes on, but this is good for me. 
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